I have not done a good job keeping up with the blog. I have not written in more than a month. I want to write, but I am struggling with it. Partly I think I don't have all that much to say. I am also so impressed with the writing on other BLM blogs. So many of them seem so eloquent, and I am feeling inept. I used to write frequently, and I used to think my writing was decent. I have not taken the time to keep up with writing (or reading much either) in the last few years, and my writing has suffered greatly for it.
I think I am overwhelmed with life at the moment. There are SOOO many things that need to be done around here. I have been procrastinating for far, far too long. We are in the middle of trying to "de-junk" our lives. I feel better about getting rid of excess "stuff" than I thought I would. (Confession time: I come from a long line of "pack-rats" and so far in life, I have followed suit - I am trying to break the cycle!) I am actually excited about seeing "things" leave my home. Hopefully that will help me focus and give me more time to concentrate on the important things, and perhaps even to begin reading (I used to read ALL the time) and writing more again.
I just wish I was making this improvement with my daughter crawling at my feet. I miss you, Elena, so much! I would trade everything I own to have you in my arms, sweet baby. It is all nothing compared to life.
I know that I've gone through phases of feeling that I have nothing to say or feeling intimidated, that my writing is not good enough and that I have nothing to contribute. But then I feel that I am writing for myself and it doesn't matter if it isn't quite perfect.
ReplyDeleteI'm also a pack-rat, from a long line of pack rats! I would also like to break the cycle. It helps that my husband is a ferocious de-clutterer so he tends to keep my hoarding tendencies in check. It is a lovely, liberating feeling when you see loads of stuff heading for the door! Good luck with the de-junking.
Interesting that you say you haven't been reading as much. I also found it hard to read much after Georgina died. Even novels. I read a lot of things I would have found a bit silly before, lots of romances and so on. It did take a while before I got the concentration span necessary to read anything properly.
And I do so wish that Elena were with you, crawling around as you de-cluttered. As you say, all is nothing compared to life. Your sweet girl, so loved and missed x
Thank you, Catherine. I so appreciate you taking the time to respond. It's interesting how much we change, both in superficial and in very deep ways, after such a loss. I wonder how much I will eventually get closer to the person I was and how much is just forever different. Thinking of you and Georgina tonight.
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