Happy Birthday Elena!

A year ago today our sweet baby girl was born. She was perfect: 10 fingers and 10 toes (complete with nails), a little blond hair, eyelashes, long feet, and her sweet nose squished a little to the side from birthing - just like her big brother's was! In fact, she looked very much like her big brother had on his birth day, only much smaller and somehow more "girly."  

As we prepared for her birth, we were given no hope for her survival. She was simply too young. The nurse even suggested that she might not be born alive, but Elena was a fighter and was born with a strong heartbeat.  It was a strange mixture of feelings, relief that my baby was alive and anguish knowing that she would soon die, pride and joy in having a daughter and helplessness and despair in my inability to protect her, and, of course, a rush of love, a love only a parent knows for her child. Her daddy immediately baptized her.  Then I held her.  What a sweet baby, so perfect and so tiny!  She stayed with us for over two hours.  We were able to hold her, bathe her, dress her.  A lifetime of memories in two hours.  We are so grateful for those precious hours, but how we long for more!   

Today is also a day of mixed emotions.  We celebrate the blessing that Elena is to us, yet we mourn that we are separated from her.  We know that she is safe in a place where there are no tears, yet we cry here because we ache for her.  We are grief-stricken that we do not hold our baby in our arms, yet we have hope that we will hold her for eternity in His Kingdom.  “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.”  1 Thessalonians 4:13.  While the short time we had with her on earth will never be enough, we know that we will someday have eternity with her and our Lord.  That knowledge is how we survive. 

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since we held Elena.  We have now lived 366 days without her (thanks to leap year), another source of mixed feelings.  Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, and other times it seems like an eternity ago.  In a way, it makes me sad, as I feel like I am an entire year away from our baby now.  I try to reframe that thought – I know it really means a year closer to paradise with our Lord and with Elena and our other loved ones.  We do not and will not “move on” or “get over it,” but we do learn to live a “new normal,” a life with our daughter in heaven waiting for us.  We forever love, remember, and miss our precious Elena. 

We want to thank those of you who have done kindnesses in memory of Elena for her birthday.  While today is a difficult day for us, we choose to focus on the blessings.  Seeing Elena’s life continue to positively impact the world, through the kind acts of others, helps us to smile today.  We appreciate the love and support our family and friends continue to offer us.  Thank you. 

Elena, Happy First Birthday!  We love you beyond words and beyond time.  We loved you yesterday, we love you today, we will love you tomorrow.  Always.  We hope you enjoy your heavenly birthday celebration, and we look forward to the day we are able to celebrate with you.  All of our love, Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother.

Elena's Christmas Tree (A Letter from Oma)

For many reasons, I choose to plant a Christmas tree in honor of Elena's first birthday. For many people, as it is for myself, the Christmas tree is a sentimental reminder of family and friends: of gifts given and gifts received. God gave us Elena, a beautiful and precious gift and He received her back to her heavenly home all to soon (for us anyway). Like a beautiful but fragile ornament on the Christmas tree, her sparkle was to last only a little while.

The true wonder and excitement of the Christmas tree, however, truly belongs to children. And so this tree, that stays green and full of life even through the coldest and darkest of nights, will be a constant reminder of the wonder that is Elena.

I will watch as the tree grows sturdy and tall and points like an arrow to heaven, with it's tapered top, to remind us of the way to heaven, where we will be reunited with Elena and all our loved ones.

Another reason I choose the Christmas tree as a tree of honor, is that it is one of the few positive reminders that link "Grandpa Mike" to his own childhood. Of all the plants in all the world, this is the only plant he has expressed a desire to have adorn our home. This is just another reminder of the joy of the Christmas tree for children.

One additional admirable trait of this tree of honor is that it provides a haven for the smallest and most vulnerable of God's creatures; the little animals that find safety and comfort in it's branches and shade. Even during the coldest and darkest times, it's branches remain green and full and welcoming.

So my dearest Elena, I hope you enjoy your Christmas tree - and may a special star adorn it's top some starry night. We will always love you and miss you terribly. Until we meet again, all our love,

Oma and Grandpa Mike

From a Friend: "A Short Note to Elena"

Hi Elena, my name is Meagan, you might know my daughter Madison. She is about a year and a half older than you but I am sure you two play together in Heaven. Although I am sad I have met your mom the way I did, I can honestly say I am better for it. Your mother is such a sweet and strong woman! You are lucky to get to meet her some day and call her mom, I know she is lucky she has you, even if you are very far away for now. I wasn't sure who I should do a random act of kindness for in your name, so I chose to instead do it for some one annoymous, or maybe even several annoymous people. I donated blood at the blood bank, because I have a very special type of blood, which means anyone can receive my blood so it will help many people who may be fighting for their very life! Not only will the receiver appreciate the blood I donated but so will their family. It will be comforting to them to know that because of a sweet angel like you their family member will live a little longer. Please watch out for Madison and make sure she doesn't get into too much trouble and I will keep a close eye on your mom to make sure she can always feel your love. You may not know this but you are a very special girl and I look forward to meeting you some day. Continue to watch over your mom, I know she misses you and loves a lot, we all do!

Love always,
Madison's Mom Meagan

Preemie Hats for Elena

Elena's birthday tribute project is underway, and we want to thank everyone who has participated so far.  It means so much to us!  For details about the project and how you can help, please see our Eleven Months post.

I am very excited to share what a cousin is doing as her act of kindness for Elena.  Sophia has set up an Etsy listing for preemie hats.  She is selling them in pink and blue.  They can be shipped to give to your favorite preemie, or she also has an option to donate the purchased hat to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at the hospital where Elena was born.  The hats are $23 (in memory of Elena's birth date on the 23rd), and ALL of the money from the sales will be donated to the same NICU.  So essentially, she is making the hats for free and the purchase is a donation in Elena's memory!  She will keep the listing available through Elena's birthday on May 23.  Please check out the listing http://www.etsy.com/listing/99324343/preemie-hats-in-memory-of-elena-marie.

UPDATE:  Thanks to a partnership with my aunt, Preemie Hats for Elena will continue as an ongoing project!  Thank you Aunt Bonnie & Sophia!!