Driving last week with the boys, I passed the hospital. My Sunshine commented that his grandmother took him to the play area at the hospital when my Rainbow was born. I said that yes, that was true. He then asked if he was there when Elena was born. I told him that he was. "I don't remember. Mom, do you know remember how Elena looked? I don't remember that."
He was not quite 2 when she was born. He was able to meet her and see her. He remembered and talked about her for a long time, but I had figured that he would eventually forget, forget actually being there, and apparently now he has. I mourn again not getting a picture of him with Elena.
Why didn't I get that picture? The nurse even asked me if there were any other pictures we wanted after she had taken a couple dozen for us. I thought I should get one with her big brother, but I did not ask. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate. I wasn't sure how the nurse would react to that request, or what my husband or my mom would think about it either. I wasn't even sure where my mom and my son were - she had taken him out of the room to try to entertain him for a while, probably to the play area. And I was scared that he might hurt her. He was so little and a rough and tumble toddler, not yet very good about being gentle. I wanted him to hold her, but I couldn't help but feel terrified that he might hurt her. So I said no, there were no other pictures we needed, thank you for taking so many for us. And shortly after that, Elena died.
I am still so upset that I didn't take that picture. Both of my first two children were there, together in the delivery room, and I didn't photograph it. I have no pictures of them together. I have wished so many times that I had gotten a picture of them together. Now I wish it even more. I think he would appreciate so much seeing a picture of him with his sister instead of pictures of just her, to see that he was there and he met her instead of just hearing about it.
Failing to take that photo is one of my biggest regrets from that day. I wish I could redo it.
I can relate. Some people never think to take pictures (like myself), especially when their babies are never able to take that first breath. There is a great organization http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ which will send a photographer to the hospital to take pics upon request, for no charge. I wish I had known...I'm glad your nurse took some for you.
ReplyDelete-Megan Toohey