Happy Birthday Elena!

A year ago today our sweet baby girl was born. She was perfect: 10 fingers and 10 toes (complete with nails), a little blond hair, eyelashes, long feet, and her sweet nose squished a little to the side from birthing - just like her big brother's was! In fact, she looked very much like her big brother had on his birth day, only much smaller and somehow more "girly."  

As we prepared for her birth, we were given no hope for her survival. She was simply too young. The nurse even suggested that she might not be born alive, but Elena was a fighter and was born with a strong heartbeat.  It was a strange mixture of feelings, relief that my baby was alive and anguish knowing that she would soon die, pride and joy in having a daughter and helplessness and despair in my inability to protect her, and, of course, a rush of love, a love only a parent knows for her child. Her daddy immediately baptized her.  Then I held her.  What a sweet baby, so perfect and so tiny!  She stayed with us for over two hours.  We were able to hold her, bathe her, dress her.  A lifetime of memories in two hours.  We are so grateful for those precious hours, but how we long for more!   

Today is also a day of mixed emotions.  We celebrate the blessing that Elena is to us, yet we mourn that we are separated from her.  We know that she is safe in a place where there are no tears, yet we cry here because we ache for her.  We are grief-stricken that we do not hold our baby in our arms, yet we have hope that we will hold her for eternity in His Kingdom.  “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.”  1 Thessalonians 4:13.  While the short time we had with her on earth will never be enough, we know that we will someday have eternity with her and our Lord.  That knowledge is how we survive. 

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since we held Elena.  We have now lived 366 days without her (thanks to leap year), another source of mixed feelings.  Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, and other times it seems like an eternity ago.  In a way, it makes me sad, as I feel like I am an entire year away from our baby now.  I try to reframe that thought – I know it really means a year closer to paradise with our Lord and with Elena and our other loved ones.  We do not and will not “move on” or “get over it,” but we do learn to live a “new normal,” a life with our daughter in heaven waiting for us.  We forever love, remember, and miss our precious Elena. 

We want to thank those of you who have done kindnesses in memory of Elena for her birthday.  While today is a difficult day for us, we choose to focus on the blessings.  Seeing Elena’s life continue to positively impact the world, through the kind acts of others, helps us to smile today.  We appreciate the love and support our family and friends continue to offer us.  Thank you. 

Elena, Happy First Birthday!  We love you beyond words and beyond time.  We loved you yesterday, we love you today, we will love you tomorrow.  Always.  We hope you enjoy your heavenly birthday celebration, and we look forward to the day we are able to celebrate with you.  All of our love, Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother.